The Ricker is skilled with a hair dryer.

He's probably spent more time working with a hair dryer than the average stylist. I know I've already written about the Ricker's hair habits (though more could be written on the topic, that's for sure). What I haven't written about is how the Ricker occasionally styles Mrs. Ricker's hair. He even calls himself "Mr. Ricker." Yes, for big nights out on the town, the Ricker does both their hair.

You see, the Ricker still wants a blond trophy wife, which is why, at nearly 60, Mrs. Ricker's hair is still big and blond. When she does it herself, it looks sort of layered, sort of retro-70s. When he does her hair, it is 1980s all the way: Dynasty and Dallas, Loni Anderson and Joan Collins. Combined with her three-inch wedge heels, her hair makes her look nearly six inches taller--and like she was cryogenically frozen more than 20 years ago, only to be thawed out and revived in our modern age.

Yes, the Ricker is a control freak, and yes, the Ricker doesn't let anyone mess with his hair, but his fascination with hair is weird. As my brother once observed, nearly all issues with the Ricker and his family can be traced back to the Ricker's obsession with and loss of his hair. I'm beginning to agree with my brother more and more every day.