The Ricker quote of the day (from an IM conversation):

Diabolical says: what are you up to today
Ricker says: i think i might take kahn to a movie
Diabolical says: movie? I think that's kind of weird
Ricker says: why?
Diabolical says: who takes cats to movies?
Ricker says: me, he loves to go for rides and i'll bet he'll sit thru a movie. i'll take the leash and let him roam around. I'm usually the only one there during the day.

The Ricker used to be a repo man.

The Ricker seems like your usual, crazy sales manager, and basically, that's what he's been his entire life. However, he has told me some interesting stories about a few of his odd college jobs. One that stands out is his experience as a repo man. Yes, according to the Ricker, he spent some time repossessing cars.

I cannot imagine the Ricker doing anything physical, with the exception of gardening and shoveling snow. Yet for a period of time, he repossessed cars. He carried around a bunch of keys and stole cars at night. Apparently, there were only a limited number of keys for each make of car: Ford had 10 or so; GM had more than 30.

He waited until people fell asleep and started their car in the driveway. He broke into garages through back doors or windows. He didn't carry a gun, but I think he carried a baseball bat a few times. He had to drive through someone's garage door to escape.

Of course, none of this has been verified by any independent witnesses. But I like to think about the Ricker actually getting paid to steal, since he has a history of "sticky fingers."

The Ricker keeps inventing things.

Just this week, when I was telling him about snowboarding in Vermont, the Ricker informed me that he, the "inventor of the skateboard," also invented the snowboard.

Thanks, Ricker.

(at least I think he was joking about this one)

The Ricker gives interesting advice.

Yes, he definitely has a view point on everything. Below are a few of the nuggets of knowledge he has shared over the years (some were learned by observation).

--Watch out for cardboard boxes in the road, and never, ever, hit them with a car, because there could be puppies or kids on the inside.

--Get an education, or you will marry a loser and live in a trailer park.

--If something isn't bolted down, it is included in the hotel's rate.

--Boise, Idaho is the flashlight capital of the world.

--When you buy a suit, there's a reason why the pockets are sewn shut. No, it's not so the pockets lay flat (like your tailor would have you believe). They are sewn shut so that when the clothes are imported from whatever third-world country where they are made, you don't have to worry about spiders or other bugs hiding in the pockets.

--Don't worry about breakfast and lunch (anorexia is okay). Likewise, if you enjoy a meal, make sure you are running a calorie deficit somewhere else.

--Fake tanning lotion isn't just for women, and it isn't just for the summer.

--Make a to-do list. In fact, make eight or nine.


--There's not much that can't be fixed with Elmers, velcro or spray paint.

--Vans slip-ons are "fag booties." In fact, we should all just wear sandals.

--Fix your hair and put cologne on before you go to bed (you know, in case you have good dreams).

--A 15-minute job always takes at least 30 minutes (this was learned by observing).

--Complain whenever possible. You'll get better service (and freebies).

--Don't put your blinkers all the way on when changing lanes. Just depress the lever enough to get a few blinks. This way, you can decrease wear and tear on the blinker and blinker lever (which are always the most important parts of any car).

--UPDATE: Here's a nugget I remembered this morning. Always know how to make breakfast for a woman in the morning. He told me this when I was about 8, when I had no clue why a woman would be sleeping over.

--It's never too dark for tinted glasses. It's never too cold for shorts. And it's never too early for a tequilla, half-OJ, half-soda (plastic cup mandatory).

The Ricker loves his mother.

We call her Nana. She's definitely the matriarch of the family. The Ricker talks to her daily -- it's part of his routine. A few weeks ago, I talked to Nana and then told the Ricker something that he hadn't heard yet. I think he was genuinely upset. As the Ricker ages, he looks and acts more and more like his mother. Sometimes it freaks me out. The Ricker always looks out for Nana. It's too bad he lives so far away, though.

Once Nana visited us for my high school graduation. I was pretty excited, and because I was speaking, I was able to reserve some seats so that my family wouldn't have to wait in line. Everything went well on the public-speaking front and on the hat-throwing front but not on the picture-taking front. At the end of the ceremony, when I found my family, my dad was missing. Nana needed to use the restroom, so the Ricker left the ceremony early and drove home to accommodate Nana (how dare she use a public restroom!). We had to call the Ricker and ask him to return to school for a picture. We waited for a good amount of time, since the Ricker now had to fight exiting traffic to get back to school. Luckily, someone we knew was still around with a camera, because when the Ricker went home he left the camera at home with Nana.

Every time I see this picture, I laugh and think about Nana's five-mile bathroom break, when there were a number of empty restrooms within a few hundred feet.